When I travel, I like to get my coffee after I go through security, I mean who doesn’t? Why the F would I want to have yet another thing to juggle while standing in the security line—which, btw, major kudos to the Chicago TSA folks today because it was speedy af!

Anyway … after making my way through security, getting a friendly pat down after explaining that “yes, I do have metal in my feet and no I don’t really want to talk about why,” I take a sharp right and commit to the 20-minute-long line at Starbucks. And get this … after five minutes the guy behind the counter says, “for those just joining the line or in case you didn’t hear, we are unable to serve espresso or make steamed milk.” Say what?

I look around and no one budges. So I say out loud to anyone who cares, “is this some kind of a joke? No espresso? What’s the point?” No one relinquishes their spot in line. I mean is it just me?

I, remembering there’s another coffee spot down at the end of concourse A, leave the crazy behind and start my way … and I walk past gate 10, gate 17, gate 25 … and get this, it’s not there. Like the entire coffee place is gone. WTF?

So I walk back and stop at this little place that looks like it could, maybe, have decent coffee … I order a cappuccino not expecting to be blown away but at least expecting something to take this no-espresso edge off my disposition. I talk with the barista a little, he’s nice, he seems to know what he’s doing … so OK … he hands me my drink and I make my way back down the concourse and find this perfect little chair with a charging station and plop my ass down to do a little work. Convinced that the world just might start spinning again … I take my first sip and guess what … it’s a vanilla laté. Again, WTF?

And now this … the guy next to me thinks it’s OK to eat Cheetos? It is never OK to eat Cheetos. Especially when the chick next to you (yes, me) forgot her damn headphones. First-world problems, I know, but FTLOG someone please make it stop! (Oh, as for fried foods … those are just as bad. Maybe even worse because the smell still gets through, even when you have headphones on.)

For the record, my favorite man insists that I don’t need coffee to function. He swears it’s just a “habit.” Oh, I know … he makes me laugh too ; )

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